In central Washington (State, of course) a radioactive rabbit
was captured near the Hanford Nuclear Reservation. Coincidentally (probably not), this happened a week prior to Obama’s trumpeting of the START treaty. A few days later a Chinese submarine let a ballistic missile fly off the coast of San Diego.
Rabbits are nearly the perfect covert weapon. Light, quick, rapid reproducers, and disarmingly cute (see previous). Least you think I’m a crackpot, remember the brilliant Soviet assassination plot* against President Carter. Thankfully, the Prez valiantly fought off the water-bourn commando.
Obviously the gist of a rabbit-based offensive is to let a few of the guys loose (or better yet, let Hillary present a pair as a gift!)
then watch the little guys drop their little radioactive presents throughout the country. (Perfect. And Green!) The DROPPINGs program (Defense Radioactive Operational Plan for Placing Irradiating Nuclear Gutbombs) itself is enough to keep those pesky Russkies in check. It’s a START anyway.
The race has escalated. According to the Seattle Times radioactive
mouse droppings have been found at Hanford. Little critters got into the cesium (Gesundheit!). So, the cheese stands alone.
THEY (The Hegemonic Enlightened Yetis, of course) ok, ok, I don’t know who, but someone is trying to silence me. Out of
the gray skies of eastern Colorado today, a brown, feathered missile came screaming into my windshield. Sure, go ahead and believe it was just a nearsighted bird of prey using bad calculus. That’s what THEY want you to think.
UPDATE II: Obviously Kim Jong Il could use something soft and
cuddly. This might backfire, though; he’s starved his people into eating anything that moves (or doesn’t, radioactive or not). A zombie war is the last thing we need.
* While canoeing President Carter was allegedly attacked by a rabbit.
Hanford, Washington. ("Artist's" rendition.)
Windshield after hawk attack. Colorado.