Fido’s Guide to Weight Loss 

 
I just attended a safety meeting where one of the seven key
factors to safety was physical fitness. If you’re in reasonable shape you’re less likely to pull muscles, have coordination issues, get winded, yada, yada.  Brainstorming was done, ideas were listed on butcher paper, and (until I  participated) none of the ideas were bad ones. 
 
Pets, by overwhelming consensus, were put at the top of the list. Dogs, specifically (they’re more fashionable on a leash). Dogs need to urinate, and leave presents. This needs supervision, which apparently burns massive amounts of calories. On top of that, the act of cleaning up after a dog
closely resembles the exercise we did in PE classes where you stand with your feet shoulder width apart, bend at the waist, touch the ground in three different places, then raise up and put your hands on your hips (this last step should probably be skipped if you’re holding a fresh bag of dog sh, ahem, sorry).“One! Everybody count with me, or we’ll have to start over!” 
 
So, there you go. Do fifteen repetitions of this and warm up is done.  Now for some cardio. A mile is merely 32 laps around your truck and trailer. I think doctors recommend a
minimum of 20 minutes for any significant benefit, so let’s make it 64 laps. What could be more scenic? Better yet, get a tennis ball (and one of those grab & throw devices for slobber mitigation) then play fetch with the dog for about twenty minutes! Viola!

Cool down time. You have just strenuously exerted 12 muscles (6 in each eye, plus 2 more to hold up your eyelids), better grab a Gatorade and a bone.

Despite the overwhelming evidence, I’m still a skeptic. I have a radical theory that bicycles are better tools to fight obesity, and dogs are superior for supporting positive mental health. 

But what do I know; their years of driving clearly outweigh my experience with exercise.