The Stinking Geniuses Guide to Weight Loss
Most reputable experts (physicians, dieticians, etc.) steadfastly claim that lasting weight loss can only be achieved through diet and exercise. This of course is false. Nothing sheds pounds quicker than a terminal disease.
“But I don’t want to die,” you whine. Tough. You’re going to die anyway, why not get it over with? Ok I jest, and the experts are correct (that’s why they’re the experts). So, what to do? Exercising to lose weight is drudgery, which leads to avoidance, which leads to guilt, which leads to stuffing things into your hole to assuage your guilt, which leads to more fat, and more guilt, which leads to avoiding exercise because it is so damn much work.
So you starve yourself because exercise didn’t work. That lasts until the hunger pangs drive you into a blind feeding frenzy which doesn’t end until the package of Oreos (or anything with a fat content over 25%) is decimated.
“Ok smartass, what’s your solution?”Diet and exercise, of course. Wait, don’t go! There’s a trick to it. It has to be enjoyable. While I do heartily endorse what you’re snickering about, keep in mind that duration is the key to weight loss. In fact, you don’t start burning fat until after 25 minutes of sustained aerobic activity. Ahem, so it has to be enjoyable and sustainable.
Some folks are lucky and enjoy running, or stair-stepping, or other masochistic gyrations, or have the discipline to endure them. Me, I enjoy taking pictures. “What the *** does that have to do with anything?” Well, I enjoy photography so I jump on my bicycle as often as possible to chase down the perfect picture. While I’m not nuts about riding around on the streets (I do enjoy mountain biking though), riding around on the streets does get me to some
interesting places where I can whip out my camera, or sit and have a beer. (Beer drinking is enjoyable, and
sustainable, but for some reason it is an exception to my rule.) My point is a bicycle can get you places, interesting places, with relatively little pain. It’s the only realistic way you’re going to see America as a truck driver.
Strapping a bicycle to the back of your truck is only half of the equation, of course. You still should eat healthy. This one is a lot tougher, but generally deep fried foods often smell repugnant after working out. Try keeping fresh fruits and vegetables on hand to snack on, but if you’re not
exercising regularly this could boomerang you into the junk food. Use your bicycle to load up at the grocery store. Generally, if you’re working up an appetite you will probably crave healthy meals and can afford to eat
So, to recap: exercising to lose weight is drudgery. Exercising should be fun and sustainable. A byproduct of keeping active is the craving of healthy foods. As a trucker, the only economical and realistic way to see America is with a bicycle. Finally, live a little; what have you got to lose?
Ghost Rock, Utah.