Deck the Halls

        ‘tis the season. In Oregon, elves (of Hispanic decent)
stuffed my trailer full of Christmas trees which I in turn dropped off in the evergreen state (Washington, of course. This is not a trade violation since severed trees are not expected to stay eternally green). The shipper’s neighbor, and fellow tree farmer (not to be confused with logger) was happy to explain the business. He taught history for thirty years in a previous life, so I dutifully interrupted and asked how they shaped the trees. He didn’t disappoint. Reaching high, he swung his arm down hard and slapped his thigh. He did this a few times. Due to the violent follow through, workers wear special chaps on their legs to protect from the 16-20 inch blades.  

Still curious, I Googled and oggled these knives on the internet. Bruce Lee could have franchised several Kung Fu Christmas specials with these babies. I could see Chuck Norris (pre-Walker, Texas Ranger) and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar muscle in on Bruce’s girlfriend’s aging uncle’s family Christmas tree farm. Chuck and Kareem would sell a few unsightly trees, break a few ornaments, and before you know it everybody is Kung Fu slicing! Da-da da-da
dump-dump dump dump da! Just as things start winding down throw in Andy Williams (literally, for effect), a fireplace, and end with a round of Deck the Halls.

 

 

                                Making a Christmas Tree. Oregon.